Bernard Cumberbatch to be Khan in next Star Trek movie: leading to this speculation
Scene: Bridge of the Starship Enterprise.
Kirk: Captain’s log, Stardate . . . what the hell is a stardate, Uhura?
Uhura: It’s a complex annotation taking into account relativistic speeds and the many calendar traditions of various members of the Federation, Captain.
Spock: We make it up as we go, Captain.
Uhura: We’re being hailed, Captain.
Kirk: Hailed? Are we a taxicab?
Uhura: Starfleet manual states that all incoming messages are announced that way, Captain.
Kirk: (rolling eyes) Alright then. (Loudly). Kirk here. Who’s you?
(Voice) From Hell’s heart, I stab at thee… For hate’s sake, I spit my last breath at thee.
Kirk: Yeah, ok, that’s great, whoever you are. You’ve got Spocky’s eyebrows half way up his forehead, so, maybe, identify yourself?
(Voice) It’s Khan, Kirk, my old friend.
Kirk: Khan? Khan? Sorry, doesn’t ring a bell. Wait, there was this hostess at the canteen at the research station on Gliese 876. It was hot, and she was hotter. She was named Khan, I think. Are you her dad or something? I’m pretty sure she was of age.
Khan: I don’t care about that, testosterone boy. You abandoned me on Ceti Alpha V, and now you shall pay!
Kirk: Ceti Alpha V? Spock? Anyone?
Spock (reading from ship’s computer): Ceti Alpha V is a placid agricultural world in the Mutara sector, Captain. It exports a wide variety of agricultural products and also offers pleasantly calm recreational facilities. We have no record of “Khan” in recent history, although there’s a record of a minor dictator named Khan a couple of centuries ago. No one of any importance. (Under his breath) Blood thirsty humans.
Kirk: Did you hear that, Khan? I don’t know who you are. If I ever abandoned you on Ceti Alpha V, it doesn’t sound like a bad thing. Were we playing Fizzbin?
Khan: I, I don’t know what to say. I am so confused.
Kirk: You’re not the only one. Abrams has everyone confused. (to Spock): Anyone nearby?
Spock: Negative, sir.
Kirk: Just put him out of his misery then. Photon torpedoes, I think. Don’t log them. Just mark ‘em as “defective, discarded” or something. Target practice, that’s it.
Sulu: Torpedoes away, sir.
Main screen flares white.
Kirk: Any survivors? Wreckage?
Spock: None to speak of, sir. A large spike in Higgs boson flux.
Kirk: Well, that’s one sequel taken care of. Pretty easy. Any idea what’s next?
Spock: Gary Seven retrieved a napkin from an In-and-Out Burger in Chico. Abrams thought he would be less like to be observed. It’s not very good news.
Kirk: Gary Seven?
Spock: He’s shadows Abrams. He’s worried that they’ll revive him, too.
Kirk: Got a point. So what’s on the napkin?
Spock. Just scrawls, sir. It seemed to say, “Bela Oxmyx President of the League of Nations. Nobel Peace Prize to Hitler.”
Kirk. Gawd. How many of these did I sign for?
Spock. I don’t know, sir. You were drunk. But there might be good news. They might be moving on. Advanced algorithms have decoded some of the blots as “Emma Thompson for Picard’s mom. Get Robert Carlyle for Picard. Keep the hair.” Or it might just be grease.
Kirk: Hmm. At least no whales.
Spock: So it seems.
Kirk: All right then. Looks like we have a little time. Set course for Gliese 876, best speed.
Sulu: Time for a little ‘shore leave’, Captain?
Kirk: Zip it, Sulu. Remember who’s captain here.
Sulu: Shutting up sir. (Under breath) Testosterone boy. Hah.